nexus_stables | [[Open to simply_ellie only.]] Warning: Language and suggestive

"I'm sorry to bring this up now, but it's been bothering me since last night. Does she happen to read the Chicago society magazines? Because if she does, I owe her a huge apology."

Biting her lip, she's felt so guilty since Sharon had showed her those magazines last night. I should've been better behaved, and I hadn't been. I am so sorry, Michael.

"Well, uh..." Crap. "I didn't think she read the society magazines... I guess she might, though. But... I guess maybe I should see whatever this is?"

I am so fucked. I am completely fucked.

The marmalade cat keeps winding around her legs, begging to be picked up. She obliges it, and gives it a kiss on the top of its head. Yes, she'd like something to snuggle while discussing this.

"There were pictures of us on your boat. Once, with your parents; the other was the weekend before we went to Indiana, and um..." She doesn't want to embarass them both there.

"I had dinner with Sharon last night, and she was curious about where I was working. And well, she remembered your name..." Biting her lip, she hopes he's not angry with her. Way to ruin a great night, Ellie!

"Oh. God. Elise, I..." He swallows. All of the pictures he bought -- and he thinks he bought the entire series -- were purchased using his real name. Including the ones he told her he owned as Master Simon. "I didn't realize they were you until you told me you posed for Alex. I really didn't."

In his shock, he's completely forgotten about the paparazzi pictures she mentioned.

"I know, it's okay. Really and truly." Giving him a reassuring smile, she's being completely honest. "It is nice to know that they were sold to people who like and understand the lifestyle. But if you'd rather return them, so your girlfriend won't wonder who the woman in the photographs is, I think Sharon would be willing to take them back."

But Alex's prints aren't the ones that would likely cause the most stir, especially since his girlfriend would more than likely be a sub. "The thing is... the paparazzi captured quite the moment, one that I didn't even realize we had. And I really hope she hasn't seen it. I am so sorry, Michael."

"I... if it's okay with you, I'd really like to keep them? And... I think if she'd seen it before now, I'd, uh... I'd have heard about it."

He's completely lost as to how to discuss this with her. There is no other woman, and he doesn't want to tell her any really elaborate lie. He wants to be totally honest with her.

Oh God, Kitten, this is so complicated. I didn't mean to invade so many parts of your life the way I did... did I?

"Sure, that's fine with me, as long as she's comfortable with it too." Trying to put this delicately isn't working, and she'd really hate for his girlfriend to see the one of him massaging lotion into the backs of her knees. Working up the nerve, she kisses the cat again.

"If she has any of the magazine's issues in her house, you um, might want to have them disappear. You were..." Blushing a deep red, she has to force herself to keep going. "Very excited. Your clothes fit differently." Hopefully, that will make sense to him.

I am so sorry about all of this! I really don't want to hurt her feelings, and it's all my fault that happened!

Oh... shit. Of all possible moments for a photographer to catch, it had to be the one where he was seriously considering breaking the masquerade and simply taking her.

"I get you... I'll um... look around and make sure any issues like that disappear..."

Dear God, has my mother seen that picture? He groans in horror at the thought. While on one hand it'd only confirm her accurate suspicions that her son is madly in love with a beautiful woman... he doesn't want his mother seeing him with a hard-on!

Concerned, she quietly watches him for a moment, still holding the cat. It's purring loudly now, and it's such a contrast to how he must feel. There's no way to ever say how sorry I am for having to tell you about all of this.

"Sharon said the gossip columns all seem to think some 'blonde mystery woman' is your girlfriend, and all the pictures of them... well, they're me." God, have I ruined his life?! "And I know that if I were her, seeing that would really hurt."

Now he's the one who needs to sit down, and he does, on the nearest bale of hay. It's one that Dobson must have dragged into the stalls area to use as fresh covering, but hadn't actually unbaled yet.

"I..." He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. "She's... not going to be hurt..."

Just say it, you goddamn coward.

Biting her lip, she's worried that she's pushed too far and gone into territory that isn't hers to discuss. Judging by his reaction, she thinks there are two possible explanations: either he's poly, as is his sub; or, this girlfriend simply doesn't exist.

She hopes he won't mind that she takes a seat next to him on the bale of hay. At least the cat seems pleased, now having two warm laps to plunder. "I'm so sorry, Michael. You're so nice and generous and wonderful..." Shouldn't she be saying these things to Simon? "She has to be just as good a person, and..."

She sounds like a better person than I could be, to overlook those kinds of things.

Seeing her start in on the self-recriminations -- sometimes he feels like he can read her mind and spot it when she starts berating herself -- is what breaks it open. He can't tell her a lie that's going to make her hate herself. He absolutely can't.

"There's no one else." He closes his eyes and swallows, because the words came out so hoarse they were only just audible. "There never was anyone else."

Watching him makes her heart twist, feeling utterly horrible for the way she's treated him at various times. This is one of them. Easing the cat from her lap, she leans over to hug him tightly. Her eyes start to well up with tears, for the both of them. I am a horrible and selfish person for making him feel so uncomfortable, and for wanting to be his. But things didn't work out this way, and he deserves someone so much better than I could ever be.

"I'm so sorry..." Instead of letting him go like she knows she should, she only hugs him tighter.

He pulls her closer, and the cat grumbles and jumps down out of the way.

"It's okay. It's not your fault... I just... didn't want you trying to find someone else for me. I had to say something to stop you... it was the only thing that came to mind."

He still doesn't have the right to tell her the real reason why... not completely. He wants to unmask for her, end all of her confusion...

...But he doesn't have the right to.

Her thoughts and emotions in total riot, she's not sure how to make things better or even if she can. What she had tried to do -- find him someone of his own -- had been meddling of the worst kind and she won't forgive herself for doing that, even if he does.

"I'm so sorry I made you so uncomfortable, I should never have done that. It's just..." Biting her lip, she has a confession of her own. "You're one of the best friends I've ever had and I only wanted you to be happy."

You're my best friend, Michael. God, possibly even more than Anne or Simon or anyone else.

"I know..." He takes a deep breath, inhaling her scent. The truth is, he's happier than he's ever been in his life, with her close to him. "I just don't want anyone else..."

Oops.

Saying that as Simon would be one thing; saying it as Michael... big mistake.

Ellie swallows hard, overwhelmed by what he's just said. Oh, God. Why do people like us have to hide the way we do? What if we'd been able to tell each other what we are that first day? Would things have been different? I would've wanted you as my Dom too.

Blinking, the tears begin to roll down her cheeks. This is wrong, Ellie, and you need to stop it. What would Simon think? He's been so incredibly kind to you, and this is how you'd repay him for that?

"I..." I don't want anyone else either. God help me, but I do.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, Elise. Please don't cry." His heart somehow simultaneously twists and lodges in his throat. He strokes her cheeks, trying to wipe the tears away and erase them.

I never meant to make you cry. I promised myself I wouldn't do that to you. I promised I wouldn't hurt you. Oh, Kitten.

"I didn't mean to force this on you. I..."

Won't mention it again? He knows that's an even bigger lie than ever. It will come up again, sooner or later.

What the hell am I going to do?

She can't even look him in the eye, feeling so incredibly ashamed of herself. Doing her best to swallow the tears down, her throat feels tight too. There are so many forbidden things that she wants: to have the initial on her collar be an "M"; to ask him if there's a hayloft here where they could lie down together; and to be able to tell him about how much she thinks about him, even when she's with Simon.

Finally, she's able to whisper back to him. "You've never forced anything on me." Looking up at him with teary eyes, it's as much a confession as she can muster right now.

He strokes her cheeks again, still holding her closer than he really should in his current guise, with no mask on. I wish I'd had the sense to realize, the night you flubbed "shiitake" for "shibari," what you really were, what we could be... I wish I'd made a move then.

He knows it probably would have been a bad time; she'd been hit on earlier that day by another prospective employer and he was trying to be on his best behavior and the most non-threatening boss possible... but in retrospect...

If I'd taken you home and tied you up that very night, you wouldn't be crying now.

It's not that simple; it never is. But he feels like he's overcomplicated her life so badly.

"I have. Repeatedly. I'm taking liberties I'm not supposed to."

"I... I wish we could go back to the day we met, and..." Unable to finish the sentence, more tears begin to roll down her cheeks. Slowly shaking her head, she can't speak the rest. But he has to know. I love them both, so much.

But Michael, she knows in her heart and mind, is who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. As a friend or otherwise, I can't ever give him up.

Oh God. He misses what she really means, so caught up in self-recrimination.

This is why the Tower generally forbids its masked Doms from insinuating themselves into the mundane lives of their subs. He went around it, because he hungered after her so much... but they knew what they were doing. He has been stalking her.

"...And not have met?" He forces the words out.

Shaking her head, she can't keep a sob from escaping. "I wouldn't have traded that day for anything." The tears continue, unabated. "If the only way to have met you was to have survived Matt, I'd do it again."

Her throat tightens again, not letting her speak as she begins to sob. The way he's touched her life has only been for the better, and if it weren't for him, and how kind and comfortable he'd made her feel that day, she probably wouldn't have taken a chance and submitted her application to the Tower.

He pulls her back into his arms, hugging her tightly. "Oh God, Ellie, I'm sorry... I..."

...still don't have the right to tell her who I really am. When I see her tonight, as Simon, I'll have to ask, because it's only when she gives me permission in that guise that I can. Damn it... she needs to know!

He realizes that he's been rubbing his cheek against hers, and that his lips are seeking hers out, only a second before they'd meet. He freezes.

Ellie freezes too. I don't want him to stop, but he has to. You are a horrible person, Ellie. Karma is going to find you. Shaking now, she's so upset with herself for wanting him to continue.

When she finally speaks, her voice is soft and tremulous. "Can we..." Swallowing hard, it's difficult to finish her sentence. "Can you show me around the stables now, please?"

There's no way she's going to be able to meet Simon later. Not after this. I'll need to text or call him, but I can't. Not tonight. He'd be so disappointed in you, if he were watching you right now.

[[Open to simply_ellie only.]] Warning: Language and suggestive

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